“Couples who disagree about finances once a week are more than 30% more likely to divorce than couples who disagree about money few times a month”
“The way you and your spouse save, spend, earn and invest can actually be points of bonding and affection if approached in the right way”
Facts from Forbes.com
Given the facts above and maybe your experiences, do you think a good romance should not involve money?
Hosts of Ebonylifetv’s Moments Michelle Dede, Bolanle Olukanni and Toke Makinwa sat down with guests – Ex BBA housemate turned actress, Lilian Afegbai and comedienne Lolo1 to discuss in Aug 2016.
Moment’s Girls talk l-r: Bolanle, Lilian, Michelle, Lolo1 and Toke
In my opinion, a good romance must involve money whether directly or indirectly, but not necessarily all the time.
As Lolo1 funnily puts it, romance is not just what happens in the bedroom, it also “means taking you out…are you going to go and beg them at the restaurant and say he is a good man, feed us!…”
Romance is much deeper than sex, it builds up the feelings, the journey, the memories that can turn sex into love making.
Maybe that’s why it is wise to “follow your own level” (of men) in order to keep the standard you like (and vice versa) as Lolo1 and Toke agreed.
Lolo1 shares what she said to the security man who professed his love for her and bought groundnut: “no matter what I do, I can never come to your own level…”
Lolo1 on Instagram
Toke said “you do not need a rocket science to know” a guy whose future will change but how many of us use rocket science, mathematics, magic or anything else to get involved with a guy or did we use love more?
I (the previous me) am usually down with love and forget to deeply assess a guy financially especially if he probably came with lies (which I tend to blindly accept).
I also do not expect to depend on him financially but importantly the unstoppable connection I create with him tend to put any kanda in the shade.
It is interesting to listen to the women’s various points of views.
When asked if she would declare all she has to a man, Lilian says: “…I am a supporter, I am not going to declare…even if I am earning 5 million I will be like baby am earning 500”
Lilian on Instagram
At this age, I would probably listen to Lilian’s – who is in her 20s – “I cannot date a guy that is broke” than Toke’s “if you guys fight for money, he will come home late he start going to the club, he will start chasing women and eventually it will still cause problem…”
I see Toke’s argument but Lilian made more sense because it is not a matter being a millionare or billionaire or a thousandnire, yes money cant buy love (to an extent), but it is a matter of having a partner who can teamwork and support each other.
Lilian’s statement plus the fact that she talks about not revealing her real money to a man pushes Lolo1 to say “a lot of of us do not understand what marriage is in its real sense”, as she argues why we tell our partner selective truths.
Toke, 32 likes to follow her dad’s advice which is: “if you guys fight for money, he will come home late he start going to the club, he will start chasing women and eventually it will still cause problem…”
Toke on Instagram
I agreed-ish because I felt I did not use enough selective truth – talking from experience. In an ideal world (and in the one I attempted to create), I told my partners everything, personal matters that felt right to share, but next thing you know it is used against you.
On reflection, selective truth is the way to go for peace of mind and control of the situation. In my short years on earth, selective truth have worked for me – when I remember to use it – because I thought about how best to put it, was mindful of people’s feelings, pride and my own sanity.
If my friend ask me: “how this dress be on me?”, in my mind it does not suit her but I would tell her the dress is not fine try another one instead of the exact thing otherwise she will be hurt, then I will be sad and …
If I understand what Lolo1 is calling selective truth, essentially it is being creative with the truth and you are not necessarily lying so there should be nothing wrong with that.
Anyhow, before I go on and on and on and on…
Watch the video here⬇⬇